


Ceasefire

by Project0506



Series: Soft Wars [34]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, gen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23606308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/pseuds/Project0506
Summary: What if Mace's speech had been a little more effective?
Series: Soft Wars [34]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683775
Comments: 35
Kudos: 741





	Ceasefire

**Author's Note:**

> Because I saw [this picture](https://be-al2-o4.tumblr.com/post/615148792503779328/d1ptera-dont-bother-asking-because-i-dont) and after my friend and I laughed a bit I slowly with dawning horror realized oh no. Oh no I'm writing this aren't I?
> 
> Here is the speech in question [on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_nK51C9Mlw).
> 
> Note: An hour ago this was just plain crack one shotness. Now it's part of the Rex Adopts ~~a Jedi~~ Everyone Universe. Because Dats How I Roll

Is he truly that out of touch? Does he seem that far removed? Even Obi-Wan, a member of the council and a man Mace likes to think of as a friend, seems to have forgotten.

Perhaps anymore Mace _is_ mostly bureaucrat. Perhaps he spends more time on Coruscant than out on the front lines but Mace has earned his mastery. Mastery of the Force, of Vapaad, of himself. They’ve forgotten, now that Mace is more often found in council meetings than on battlefields, but Mace has spent every moment for as long as he can remember seeing shatterpoints. He’s mastered the art of finding exactly what it takes to _break_.

Near the center right of the room, a single Phase 1 Battledroid raises its hand. It doesn’t lift its blaster.

“Yes,” Mace says imperiously and points. “You.”

“Can you reprogram heartbreak?” it asks plaintively.

Obi-Wan turns his incredulous look from Mace to the droid so quickly he could have injured his neck.

“Only,” the droid continues, apparently oblivious to its fellows shifting uncomfortably. “He clearly wants nothing to do with me and I don’t think my processors are optimized for dealing with that.”

“Organics have spent their entire existence investigating that question,” Mace replies. “We’ve come up with numerous highly effective methods to reduce the pain and, eventually, allow a person to move on entirely.”

“That sounds nice,” the droid says, wistful.

“Can I have flowers?” a different droid asks. “I like flowers.”

“I’ve always _wanted_ to raise bees,” the first droid muses. “They look very industrious. Efficient. Self optimizing.”

“You could raise your bees in my flowers,” the second offers. They shake hands on it.

Around the warehouse droids are muttering, debating, negotiating, deciding whether they want to be named Roger or something else. Not all of them are so easily moved: a droid near the front yells ‘Blast em!’ and about a third of the gathered droids take up arms. Mace is careful only to target the ones shooting. He’s gratified to see Obi-Wan taking the same care.

The clone troopers with them are all incredibly confused.

“Sir?” Ponds asks. Commander Cody is a step behind him. Mace smiles, and sees Ponds stiffen. His Commander has gotten quite good at reading him, hasn’t he?

“It seems we have ourselves some surrenders.” Some is an understatement. It’s closer to dozens of armed, dangerous hopefully-former foes. Good thing Mace has people to delegate to. “I trust you to take care of them Commanders.” He claps Ponds companionably on the shoulder and retreats. Obi-Wan waves cheekily at his own commander and follows.

They’re the bureaucratic function, after all. Their part is done, the rest is clearly in the troops’ function.

“ _What am I supposed to do with 50 clankers_ _?_ ” Ponds gripes behind him. Commander Cody taps his bracer twice.

“I have an idea,” the two Jedi hear the Marshall Commander say and they trade a look. It’s best they don’t know what that idea is. They retreat at speed.

**Author's Note:**

> His name is Roger. He gets his bees.


End file.
